Sunday, April 06, 2014

Wrecked

I am totally destroyed. Gideon is dead.

During a dig with another dog, Mountain and Gideon were leashed together, with the leash running through a fork in a low branch. I thought they would be alright, as they are both about the same size and they were hitched together on flat collars about 20 feet from where we were digging. They get along great with each other.

When we turned around, Mountain had pulled Gideon off his feet and Gideon was dead. Strangled. I did mouth to mouth and CPR, but it was too late. Neither of the dogs had made a sound. Mountain had no idea what she had done.

On the way home, I realized I was dangerous on the road. I was driving without even being aware there were cars around me. I stopped twice, but eventually got home and buried Gideon in the bamboo grove. Gone to ground one last time. I feel hollow -- like I have swallowed a grenade. 

Gideon loved every bit of his life, from tossing balls in the den to hunts in the field. He made me happy as he was always relaxed and cheerful in a very cool dog kind of way. He was a gentleman. He had a massive head and little legs, and his enthusiasm sometimes exceeded his capacity when trying to take a flying leap onto the couch or the bed.

I cannot write anymore. I am wrecked.  I cannot imagine life without my Little Man. I miss my friend.

53 comments:

rescurerenabler NOVA said...

Heartbreaking. You must be gutted by this terrible accident. I am so sad and sorry. He was a mighty fine little doggie.

John said...

Truly awful, I'm grieving with you.

Rick said...

My heart goes out to you, Patrick. Rest In Peace, Little Man Gideon.

Shannon Gentry said...

I am so sorry for your loss. The silence left by the absence of our friend is immense. My thoughts are with you.

Karen said...

I am so sorry, Patrick. Big hugs to you.

extremetj said...

Godspeed Gideon!

Robin said...

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry Gideon is gone. RIP Gideon.

Meadow said...

I am so deeply sorry, Patrick.

Grieving with you.

Chas Clifton said...

So sad. He was a great dog. My sympathies.

Steve Bodio said...

Whether they go slow or fast, they still leave a hole in your heart. I am so sorry, Patrick.

P3D said...

Sorry to hear of the loss of a good worker. Theyare too rare.

Jenny Glen said...

I can't say anything to make it better. I am so sorry for you, but take comfort in the fact that he lived a life full of adventure. The way a terrier is supposed to.

Mark Farrell-Churchill said...

So sorry to hear it, Patrick. Grieve for your friend, but never stop celebrating the friendship.

Kate Price said...

Oh Patrick, I am so very, very sorry. Awful.

Half Dozen Farm said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

geonni banner said...

So sorry for your loss. Though it is nothing to what you must be feeling, Gideon will be missed by Terrierman regulars.

Take care of yourself. You gave Gideon a Terrier's dream life.

Unknown said...

Oh damn. Damn. Damn. Damn! I am so sorry Patrick. It is never easy.

BeachDog said...

Words can not describe the feeling of utter sadness at this news. He was such a great little dog. I so enjoyed reading your adventures. My heart aches for you.

Seahorse said...

I'm sick at heart for you. Wish I had words that could help. I'm just so deeply sorry.

TEC said...

So sorry for your loss. Gideon was loved, and had a wonderful life. Wish there was something I could do to help. -- TEC

The Midland Agrarian said...

I am so sorry for you.
Richard Grossman

CrlWln said...

i am so sorry. This is one of life's most terrible moments. Take your time, grieve as you should and remember that a lot of people are sharing your pain.
Run free Little Man.

Sue said...

That is a devastating, awful loss, Patrick. Oh, how I feel your pain... I am so very sorry.

Bettina said...

I´m so sorry and feel with you. My deepest sympathy for this brave great one in a little body. There ´s no dog like our beloved working terriers!

Bee Na said...

This is one of the most incredible pains the soul can bear. For a while even memories sear your heart. All of us who have partnerships with working dogs or just the typical house dog cry with you today.
Claudia

Laurie Bruckmann said...

My heartfelt sympathies to you in this terrible moment of sorrow, pain, and guilt. Try to move past the destructive guilt and know that Gideon died doing what he loved to do. You are an inspiration to us down to earth dog people. We all understand that risk is involved when engaging with dogs in their primal pursuits. Do NOT lose faith or doubt your decisions. Shit happens in life, but it happens more often with animals, whom we love more than their short time on earth should allow.
Go out and train a new pup to carry on Gideon's legacy. Good luck and thank you for your wonderful posts.

Suburban Bushwacker said...

So sorry to hear that
SBW

eldri said...

I am so sorry--there are no words.
Sudden or slow, we Miss them when they go.



...I have to go now, and hug my current dogs, while mourning the holes left by those gone

take care

Bob Ryan said...

Reading you has made me a smarter dog owner and a better person. My heart goes out to you.

Moochies Mother said...

Heartbreaking. No guarantees, it happens to the best of us. Take good care of yourself, get some sleep and I hope the pain subsides soon.

Lainey said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Susan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Patrick. What an awful thing to have to deal with. Sending comforting thoughts your way.

Sean said...

Terrible news. I am sorry to read this, but I am happy for Gideon. To have met you is the chance in a million for a terrier. While you should have had more time with him, the luck he had in having a few years with you was such a great thing that while hard to see now, should lessen the hurt.

Today there is a terrier out there whose number has been drawn, though he does not know it. In the next couple of months he is going to win the lottery of life in a way that even a power ball winner cannot imagine. He will become THE Terrierman's next partner. I look forward to reading about him.

Daniel Winings said...

I am so, so, sorry.

I am giving Sparta an extra hug and will make tomorrow's walk a little longer.

Tracy said...

So sorry for your loss Patrick. Gideon was a wonderful terrier and you gave him the best of a terrier's life. There is no doubt about that. My Grace would love to be your dog and go on endless hunting adventures.

Sincerely,

Tracy

Ken said...

So sad. My thoughts are with you, Patrick. What a wonderful dog and he had such a great life with you.

anissa_roy said...

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you're coping. I do know that you give your dogs a helluva grand life, and that tragic accidents do happen. Rest in peace, Gideon.

Luisa said...

I'm desperately sorry. You were both fortunate to have each other. Patrick, you're in my thoughts.

oldgreymare said...

Oh how sad. I am so sorry for you. A freak accident, for sure. I just lost my little JRT, Josie on Friday. She had congestive heart failure. She was 15. Like you, I'm wrecked. She was a beautiful little soul - just a wonderful dog and I'll probably never have another like her. The it dog. Again, my condolences for your loss. Lorri

Donald McCaig said...

Patrick,
I am so sorry for your terrible loss.

Donald McCaig

Lin Moore said...

I'm really sorry. Though I don't know you,I feel your loss.

SecondThoughtsOptional said...

Patrick,

What a terrible thing to have happen and I'm sorry for your loss.

mugwump said...

I am so sorry.

Funder said...

My thoughts are with you!

eldri said...

this poem, by Robinson Jeffers, often makes me cry--but sometimes helps a little

The House Dog's Grave

I've changed my ways a little; I cannot now
Run with you in the evenings along the shore,
Except in a kind of dream; and you,
If you dream a moment,
You see me there.

So leave awhile the paw-marks on the front door
Where I used to scratch to go out or in,
And you'd soon open; leave on the kitchen floor
The marks of my drinking-pan.

I cannot lie by your fire as I used to do
On the warm stone,
Nor at the foot of your bed; no,
All the nights through I lie alone.

But your kind thought has laid me less than six feet
Outside your window where firelight so often plays,
And where you sit to read‚
And I fear often grieving for me‚
Every night your lamplight lies on my place.

You, man and woman, live so long, it is hard
To think of you ever dying.
A little dog would get tired, living so long.
I hope that when you are lying
Under the ground like me your lives will appear
As good and joyful as mine.

No, dears, that's too much hope:
You are not so well cared for as I have been.
And never have known the passionate undivided
Fidelities that I knew.
Your minds are perhaps too active, too many-sided...
But to me you were true.

You were never masters, but friends. I was your friend.
I loved you well, and was loved. Deep love endures
To the end and far past the end. If this is my end,
I am not lonely. I am not afraid. I am still yours.

Viatecio said...

To think that the times you or anyone else have tethered dogs to each other, nothing has happened. I've done it myself, using my parent's dog as the "nanny" to my dog who was not yet trustworthy off-leash. What could have gone wrong? Lots, apparently, this time. Especially since my "dog-aggressive" mutt was showing such excellent avoidance of having to resort to aggression. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h779GKS0x_E

There is no better compliment to a dog than giving him a home where he can be himself, and you did just that with Gideon. I'm sorry for your sudden loss of him.

Ozhorse said...


I am so sorry for your loss of a great little dog.

Karen Carroll said...

Just read about Gideon. So sorry for your loss.

Jerri Blackman said...

My heart is wrenched along with yours. I am so so sorry for this terrible accident.
Jerri Blackman
Tucson, AZ

Ian Logan said...

Tragic. A reminder to continually let your dog know that you love them because they can go so unexpectedly.

My deepest sympathy.

seeker said...

I'm so sorry. So sorry. No words of comfort are enough. He's running in summerland by the bridge with Sailor. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Kelliwic said...

So sorry to read of your loss. Gideon had a wonderful, fulfilling life with you, and you were great partners.

Byron Clarke said...

I'm heartbroken for you, Patrick.