Friday, August 24, 2012

If Americans Had Digging Competitions

A repost from this blog, circa December 2005.

The picture, above, is from a Fell & Moorland digging competition.

Now there's a fun thing to bring to American terrier shows and trials in the U.S.!

But how would we organize it?

Would the women compete head-to-head with the men, since a badly skunked dog in a hole needs to be rescued fast regardless of gender?

Or would we divide the competition by gender, age, height and weight in order to maximize the ribbon count? That would seem the best American way to do it.

Then there is the mechanics of it.

Would people be required to bring their own shovels? If so, perhaps we could get a tool company to sponsor it, as a lot of new tools will have to be bought. That seems like a marriage of expediency and capitalism!

Would jumpsuits be provided so that the people in their fine clothes would not get too dirty? That seems only fair --- but it will get very hot with two layers of clothing being worn! Perhaps we could hold the competition inside and turn the air conditioning way up?

If we do move it indoors for the air conditioning, however, there is the problem of the floor. How are we going to dig through the floor of the hotel where the show is being held? Perhaps the answer here can be found in a few hundred bags of fine potting soil purchased at Home Depot?

But what about the people that cannot dig at all -- the physically infirm or old, or those that have a heart condition? It would be wrong to exclude them. Here's a thought: We allow people to show dogs they did not breed and let those dogs be handled by professional handlers ... why not do the same thing at the digging competition? We could have professional diggers brought in just to win the ribbon. It's all very historical -- after all, it's not like the Duke of Beaufort was digging the dogs himself, was he? He had kennel men and earthstoppers for that. So too did John Russell, who was past 50 when he really got to chasing fox at South Molton.

Yes, the only real way to do it is with professional diggers, and perhaps a small side prize for "amateur diggers" who will do it themselves, with classes broken out by gender, age, height and weight. Everyone will get a ribbon!

Excellent! A new American trial sport is born!


Doug said...

pure genius!

Matt Mullenix said...

You sir are a wonderfully twisted man. :-)

Seahorse said...

I want to own the Starbucks stand!


Viatecio said...

Seahorse, you can have the Starbucks...I'll be making money off the hefty (if you get my drift) sales of deep-fried butter, twinkies, Coke, and oreos to the conformation handlers who need to hire the pros to do the actual digging! For of course, their champion Barbie-dogs deserve a chance in the den pipes as well, as long as the dogs HUNT to the HUNTING STANDARD written up many long years ago...

Now all we need is few portable puke-inducing rides, some rigged carnie games, and NOW we can party like an American!