The Clown That Makes the Circus

Is there anything more ridiculous than the “all breed” dog show judge?

Transpose the notion to another arena.

Imagine if someone bought a Sunfish Sailboat but it never left the driveway.

Then imagine this same person bought several more Sunfish Sailboats, adding a custom tilller here, changing the sail color there, adding a bullet block or a cup holder, each time proclaiming the addition or subtraction a major development.

But still, this person’s boats never left the driveway.

Then imagine this same person began to read and spent a LOT of time buying drinks for people at the Yacht Club bar.

This same person then put themselves out there, first as an official at small boat races, and then at bigger boat races.

Finally he proclaimed himself an expert on small boat design, and then added another claim every week — an expert on the design and construction of catamarans and sloops, schooners and yawls, tug boats and cabin cruisers, Whitehall pulling boats and oil tankers, crew shells and kayaks, Boston Whalers and Coracles, pirogues and dhows, junks and dories, canoes and stand up paddle boards.

But he had yet to move his Sunfish off the driveway.

He was “the expert” that had never pulled a sheet, raised a halyard, or tied up to a dock.

He was the authority that had never lofted a boat, fitted a rudder, or been struck by a boom.

He did not own an EPIRB unit or a sextant, a marlinspike or a caulking iron.

But he claimed expertise in ALL boats.

Far fetched?

Not as far fetched as the All Breed dog show judge who has never shot or plucked a bird, or walked 50 miles behind a pointer, who is now dressed up in evening dress or tuxedo to opine on the quality of gun dogs.

The same person has driven 50,000 miles to judge dachshunds and terriers, but has never dug 5 feet to a dog, or glued up a muzzle. Own a locator collar? Span a fox in the field? Nope and never.

The All Breed judge claims expertise in herding dogs, but doesn’t know a fetch from a drive, or heavy stock from light.

He has all kinds of theories about sled dogs, but may have never seen three feet of snow, much less run a team on fan hitch or a double lead.

And so it goes with running dogs and retrievers, livestock guarding dogs and protection dogs.

The All Breed Expert has opinions on every dog in every breed, but has little or no working experience with any of them.

He or she is a fraud.

But every all breed dog show swings on this fraud.

The All Breed judge is the clown that makes the circus.