Then the Boxer may be for you!
From The Onion:
Known as loyal purebreds susceptible to genetic diseases and shorter lifespans, many boxers have nevertheless been known to live way too long, hanging in there for as many as five years after all the kids moved out. Though many are afflicted with hereditary degenerative myelopathy or stomach bloat, some just keep on going, for Christ’s sake, even after A.J. headed off to college and despite the fact that you and your wife have earned a little peace and quiet. But nope, they go on needing food and walks and someone to watch them every goddamn time you want to leave for a day or longer. Jesus.