Worst Thing You Can Buy

The AKC GoodDog! Helpline is $79.99 for unlimited access to useless advice that could come from anyone and which is certified from the #1 endorser of puppy mill dogs in the world.



They are probably hoping you will not read the Terms of Use, which they happily write in ALL CAPS to make them hard to read and to make them seem AS IF SHOUTED.

Terms of Use For AKC GoodDog!SM Helpline

These Terms of Use govern the use of the AKC GoodDog!SMHelpline. AKC reserves the right to modify these Terms of Use at any time without prior notice. Your use of the AKC GoodDog!SM Helpline following any modification constitutes your agreement to be bound by the Terms of Use as modified. The last date these Terms of Use were revised is set forth below.

1) The AKC GoodDog!SM Helpline is a support service offering telephone access to a dog trainer. The training advice offered will only be positive reinforcement training methods. The service will be available for the life of the enrolled dog and is non-transferable.
2) Access will be by toll free telephone number from calls originating in the United States only during published service hours. The hours of service may change at any time. You may incur charges when called from a cell phone; please contact your provider for more details.
3) You must be at least 18 years old to subscribe to the service.
4) The service will not be able to provide training advice for situations involving aggression or other serious behavioral issues. If the trainer identifies such an issue the trainer will advise you to seek the services of a professional behaviorist and/or "in person" trainer which you agree to do.
5) If you are not satisfied with the service within seven (7) days of purchase, you will receive a full refund upon request. After which time no refunds will be granted.
6) There is no guarantee as to results.


Disclaimer of Warranties

YOU EXPRESSLY AGREE THAT THE USE OF THE SERVICE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK. THE AKC MAKES NO EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, REPRESENTATIONS OR ENDORSEMENTS WHATSOEVER WITH RESPECT TO THE SERVICE. AKC EXPRESSLY DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS, IMPLIED, STATUTORY OR OTHERWISE, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, TITLE AND NON-INFRINGMENT, WITH REGARD TO THE SERVICE. AKC DOES NOT WARRANT THAT THE FUNCTIONS PERFORMED BY THE SERVICE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, TIMELY, SECURE, OR ERROR-FREE, OR THAT DEFECTS IN THE SERVICE WILL BE CORRECTED. AKC DOES NOT WARRANT THE ACCURACY OR COMPLETENESS OF THE CONTENT, OR THAT ANY ERRORS IN THE CONTENT WILL BE CORRECTED. THE SITE, THE SERVICE AND THE CONTENT ARE PROVIDED ON AN "AS IS" AND "AS AVAILABLE" BASIS.

Limitation of Liability
IN NO EVENT WILL THE AKC BE LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGES WHATSOEVER, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO ANY DIRECT, INCIDENTIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY OR OTHER INDIRECT DAMAGES, ARISING OUT OF (1) THE USE OF OR INABILITY TO USE THE SITE, THE SERVICE, OR THE CONTENT, (2) ANY TRANSACTION CONDUCTED THROUGH OR FACILITATED BY THE SITE; (3) ANY CLAIM ATTRIBUTABLE TO ERRORS, OMISSIONS, OR OTHER INACCURACIES IN THE SITE, THE SERVICE AND/OR CONTENT, (4) UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS TO OR ALTERATION OF YOUR TRANSMISSIONS OR DATA, OR (5) ANY OTHER MATTER RELATING TO THE SITE, THE SERVICE, OR THE CONTENT, EVEN IF THE AKC HAS BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITIES OF SUCH DAMAGES. IF YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE SITE, THE SERVICE, THE CONTENT, OR THE TERMS OF USE, YOUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY IS TO DISCONTINUE USING THE SITE. BECAUSE SOME STATES DO NOT ALLOW THE EXCLUSION OR LIMITATION OF LIABILITY FOR CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, SOME OF THE ABOVE LIMITATIONS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU. IN SUCH STATES, AKC'S LIABILITY IS LIMITED AND WARRANTIES ARE EXCLUDED TO THE GREATEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW.

Arbitration
YOU AGREE THAT ANY CAUSE OF ACTION, CONTROVERSY OR CLAIM ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THE USE OF THIS SITE, SERVICE OR CONTENT BETWEEN THE AKC AND YOURSELF OR AS TO THE CONSTRUCTION, INTERPRETATION AND EFFECT OF THIS AGREEMENT SHALL BE SETTLED BY ARBITRATION PURSUANT TO THE APPLICABLE RULES OF THE AMERICAN ARBITRATION ASSOCIATION. HOWEVER, PRIOR TO ARBITRATION ALL APPLICABLE AKC BYLAWS, RULES, REGULATIONS AND PROCEDURES MUST FIRST BE FOLLOWED AS SET FORTH IN THE AKC CHARTER AND BYLAWS, RULES, REGULATIONS, PUBLISHED POLICIES AND GUIDELINES. Dated: April 1, 2013

This seems to be a lot of legalese, trouble and expense for very dubious service.

I have a better idea.

For a limited time only, and only for readers of this blog, I am offering a Dog Trainers Magic Wand. Only $50. Your results may vary. Just click on the link below.  All profits will be donated to the Harry Potter Center for Children and Pets Afflicted by Dementors.

 

Operators are standing by.