The Only Good Duck is a Dead Duck

We need to kill more ducks.

Screw the professional apologists at Ducks Unlimited. They would keep America weak.

They would, quite literally, put America over an oil barrel to preserve the recreational past time of a bunch of old white men, most of whom are increasing our oil dependency every time they step on the gas as they drive their mammoth SUVs out into the field.

If America is going to be free of the Arabs, the Venezuelans, the Persians, the Nigerians, and the Mexicans, we need to develop home-grown energy.

And the place to start is with corn for ethanol and soybeans for bio diesel.

Now the good news is that we have already ploughed up a lot of land and put it in corn and soy.

But there is one region that could be producing a lot more. That land is flat and fertile.

That land has plenty of clear water close to the surface and easily pumped.

That land is the Prairie Pothole region of North Dakota, South Dakota, Minnesota, Illinois and Iowa.



The Prairie Pothole region is loaded with good soil and good water. This is prime farmland, and the only reason we continue to leave this land under-exploited for energy production is because we have allowed a bunch of elite, white-wine and brie-eating duck hunters to put their interests over the national interest.

These duck hunters have tons of money and they have bought off a lot of Congress.

These duck-huggers have platoons of young lobbyists and professional fundraisers to grease the wheels and pay off the politicians.

But let me tell you something: The paid apologists at Ducks Unlimited do not give a Tinker's Damn about how much you are paying at the pump.

Ducks Unlimited steadfastly ignores the fact that we have entire divisions of young men and women in Iraq risking their lives because of our dependence on foreign oil.

Ducks Unlimited will not talk about the elderly poor and the high cost of home heating oil this winter.

They will not talk about the rising price of food, or the stranglehold that Muslim Fanatics have on our economic system and Way of Life.

No, the Benelli Shotgun-toting elite at Ducks Unlimited do not care about America.

They do not care about We the People. They are too selfish for that.

For the pampered and powdered elite at Ducks Unlimited, life is nothing more than a big game of "Duck-Duck-Goose," and you are being asked to foot the bill.

Perhaps there was a time for such nonsense, but that time is gone.

We no longer live in an age of schooners and candles, and as Lincoln so famously said, "As the nation is new, so must we think anew."

It's time we killed the ducks.

Instead of duck hunting, the folks at Duck Unlimited can take up skeet shooting, or turkey hunting, or go to the movies or play golf like normal people.

Instead of asking all of America -- including America's working poor -- to subsidize the recreational activities of a few hundred thousand elite, it's time for the membership of Ducks Unlimited to step up and join America's Team which is now so dead focused on energy dependence.

It's not like the rest of America is not being asked to make sacrifices.

John McCain and Sarah Palin say it's time to drill the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and never mind if it inconveniences a few polar bears and wrecks the calving grounds of the Porcupine Caribou Herd -- the largest migration of land animals in this hemisphere.

If a few hundred thousand caribou are disturbed in order to decrease America's energy dependence, then that will just have to happen. Let's get on with it! There are other caribou in the world. No one goes to ANWR anyway. And besides, we eat cows, chickens and pigs, not wild ungulates. Caribou do nothing for us!

And if the Endangered Species Act needs to be scrapped so that we can kill off or push off the polar bears that stand in the way of oil exploration in parts of Alaska, then that will just have to happen too. Let's get on with it! There are plenty of polar bears, and even if we kill off all of ours, there are still some in Greenland, Canada and Norway. Besides, polar bears have been known to eat people, and yet when have you ever heard of a person eating a polar bear? Not once!

Commercial and recreational fishermen may have to pull up their nets and pull in their lines as well. We hope not. And probably it won't come to that, but so what if it did?

The simple truth is that if we are going to achieve energy independence and be free of the stinking mess in the Middle East, then we are going to have to sink more oil rigs off the coasts of Florida, California, North Carolina and Virginia.

Let's get on it with it!

But first, before we begin with any of that other stuff, let's kill off all the ducks.

You see, the Prairie Pothole Region is not like oil fields up in Alaska which will run out of crude oil after a few years of pumping.

Once those Alaska oil fields are dry, they are going to be dry forever.

Ditto for all those oil fields we are going to drill off the coast of Florida - the ones smack-dab in the middle of Hurricane Alley, and within an oil slick drift of tropical reefs and sea-grass beds.

Once those off-shore oil fields run dry, they will be dry forever.

But the Prairie Pothole Region is different.

If we drain the thousands of small lakes and ponds in the Prairie Pothole Region by cutting and filling and contour ploughing, we can open up millions of acres of new farm land which can help move us to greater energy independence.

And if we properly manage those fields, they will never wear out; they will supply gasoline for our cars and oil for our trucks forever.

The only people opposed to this plan are terrorists, Arab oil barons, and the nodding know-nothings at Ducks Unlimited.

Enough.

We cannot let ducks stand in the way of America's energy independence. It's time we drew a line and said YES to common sense solutions.

Yes, let's drill ANWR.

Let's shoot out and push out the polar bears.

Let's drill offshore too.

We will have to do it all. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make on omelet ....

But first, let's drain and plough the Prairie Pothole Region.

It's time America really showed that it Gives a Duck about energy independence.

After we fill in all those holes and ponds and wetlands in the Prairie Pothole Region, let's also drill for geothermal energy in the Yellowstone.

This region is an obvious energy source that remains untouched, but we cannot allow that to stand in these perilous times.

Yes, I know Old Faithful and the rest of the hot springs are a small tourist attraction, but let's be serious, eh? Most folks have never see Old Faithful except on television, and we have plenty of video tape of that.

And besides, don't you think people who visit Yellowstone will want to see the geo-thermal energy plant? Don't you think those people want America to be free of foreign oil imports and the clawing and rapacious hand of Muslim extremists? Don't you think most Americans are patriotic?

Besides, geo-thermal energy is forever. And yes, there are Elk and Bison and Bears and Wolves in the Yellowstone, but they won't be disturbed by the drilling and piping.

And so what if they are are? We have plenty of Elk and Bison and Bears and Wolves in other locations. There's always Canada and Ted Turner's place in Montana, to say nothing of zoos and Animal Planet.

George Bush and Dick Cheney understand!

And so too does John McCain and Sarah Palin; politicians who understand that tough choices need to be made in tough times.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are not Communists, and they are not exotic Europeans, either.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are going to stand up to people like Barack Obama and Joe Biden who would interfere in the Free Market by imposing Fuel Economy Standards.

If we go down that road, what's next? Rasing taxes on third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh homes which have to be heated and air conditioned year round? Putting a luxury tax on private jets flying empty around the country?

If we allow government in the garage it will soon be in our kitchens and our bedrooms too!

Is that what we want? Regulated food? Regulations governing who we can marry, and when? Regulations about energy-efficient light bulbs?

Where will it end? With caulking? With thermal blankets around the hot water heater?

No!

We want to preserve our Free Market Economy and our Way of Life, and YES that way of life involves millions of 110-pound women driving giant SUVs 60 miles a day as they go to get groceries and visit the dentist.

Do you want those women to die in smaller less safe vehicless? If so, then you are no better than the terrorists.

If we switch to smaller vehicles, the terrorists win.

We cannot have that.

We must regain our energy independence.

We must never again pay homage to the towel-heads, the camel-jockeys, and the religious fanatics who think nothing of killing their own, and even less of killing ours.

And the place to start is by killing off the ducks.

The only good duck is a dead duck.

If we are going to Cook the Goose of Big Oil, then we are going to have to drain the wetlands.

We know how to do it. We know what needs to be done. Let's get on with it!
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