Sunday, September 28, 2008

Contingency Planning For Your Pets

Have you ever thought about what will happen to your pets after Jesus comes back to claim the souls of the saved during the Rapture and deliver them to heaven to enjoy ever lasting life?

No? Bad pet owner!

The good news is that someone has thought this out.

The bad news is that Your Pets Will Not Be Flagged For Removal By Jesus During the Rapture.

The good news (we always bring The Good News here at is that there is a service to help you and your pets bridge the gap. As the link notes:

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives. Do not let my atheism scare you! I am a moral and loving pet owner and would never do harm to any animal. For a small deposit of only $50, you can be assured that your pets will be well cared for from the time that you are raptured until the end of their natural life. They will get adequate amounts of food, water, and shelter as well as plenty of exercise and socialization as I would imagine there will be a lot of pets that will be abandoned by Jesus the pet hater that will need to be cared for.

Problem solved! We will now go back to our regularly scheduled program....


Anonymous said...

$50 bucks!!!? What a rip-off! I hear Jim Baker will perform this service for $25!...L.B.

Matt Mullenix said...

C.S. Lewis seemed to think there might be a place for our pets in Heaven. But then: He also lauds tipping a pint or two, so long as the Devil's brew serves the good purpose of bringing friends together.


jack said...

If there are no terriers in heaven, then I am not going. When I die, I will go to ground with the remains of my faithful and good friends who have served me all the days of their lives and we will dig our own heaven in the fields and hedgerows of the netherworld.

Jonathan Cape Town