Saturday, February 14, 2009

There Is No Skill to Killing



There's no skill in killing.

Say that to the gun-chewing vegan, and they will nod with vigor.

"Absolutely," they will say. "I'm against all killing."

"I'm not," I will say, and I then I will move in, a little too close for comfort, subtly invading their personal space and looking them in the eye.

"I'm damn good at it. I'm just saying there's no skill in it. The skill is in hunting."

And, of course, they have no idea what I am talking about.

Killing is like writing.

Anyone who has passed second grade can write. Writing is simply making block letters with a crayola.

A trained monkey can write. It's easy.

Research is hard. Thinking is hard. Developing a sense of place and time and the immediacy of now takes attention to detail. Developing a sense of craft takes discipline. Putting together a new synthesis takes knowledge. Fleshing out character requires an understanding of human failing. Fusing plot and voice requires an understanding of story and a sense of character and self. A sustained voice is suspiciously like work.

But writing is pretty damn easy.

Look at all all the people who write. The Internet is full of them, banging away on their keyboards without a moment's bit of research or thought, like monkeys looking for Shakespeare.

They are all writers.

By the same token, the boys running the line down at the Perdue chicken plant are certified killers, same as anyone who sprays bug spray on their garden.

Killing is not hunting. Killing is easy.

And yet, people who know nothing about hunting are more interested in the killing part than they are in any other part.

This is the part they want to talk about.

O.K.

But I wonder if, when they finally get a chance to meet a real writer, do they ask him how he makes the letter "A"??

Never mind.

People are fascinated in killing, and when it comes to terrier work, they are very confused about it too.

So let's get to the first point: The dogs do not do the killing. I do. And I am very good at it.

The job of the dogs is to locate, to push the critter to a stop end, to bolt it from the ground if possible.

The job of the dogs is to sort out rumor from fact and to read the complex tapestry of story that is written in urine, scat and saliva on twisted vine and moldy ground.

The job of the dogs is to find, and then when found, to go from room to room in the darkness, armed with nothing but a heroes heart.

And then, at the end of that dark hallway, their job is to hold, to push, to put in voice and perhaps teeth if voice alone will not do.

And yet, in all of the excitement, their job is also to never forget their mission.

The goal here, as Patton so famously said, is not to die for your country, but to get the other son-of-a-bitch to die for his.

A good working dog will not come away knackered very often, as he has learned the power of voice and the importance of discretion. He has learned his job. And his job is not to kill. That, he knows, is my job.

Of course, a lot of the young people today have never learned how to do proper terrier work, and that story is told on the wrecked faces of their dogs.

At the end of a dig, these young toughs are too timid to reach in and tail out a living animal, and they have no idea of how do deal with an animal that is teeth out and snapping.

And so they ask the dog to do what they are too cowardly to do themselves, and which they are too ignorant to know how to do any other way.

What's that? A shoelace can make a snare? Or better yet, you have one in your pack already made up because you read a practical book on working terriers rather than a book of fanciful stories danced up by a Brian Plummer wannabe?

Amazing! And what's that? The man with the book gives instruction on his web site for free? Where's the profit in that?

* * * * * *


So how do you kill the vegan asks? (They never ask how to hunt.)

"Each to his own, but I do not like guns for dispatch," I reply, carefully looking at that part of their skull located three inches above their eyebrow, and assessing their total body weight.


"At the end of a dig there is too much chaos and movement, and excitable people with guns is a recipe for regret. I generally dispatch critters by hitting them on the top of the head with a blow from the blunt side of a machete."


What? The sharp side?


"No, the dull side. It's the blow that kills, same as if I slammed a paving brick into your head and staved in your frontal lobe. If I did that, you would be dead in an instant, and there would be no coming back for you. It's quite painless.


"I do not shoot things from a distance. When I kill it is up close, and is by hand, and it is very fast and quite assured.


"I tell you there is no skill to killing, and I am very good at it."
.

10 comments:

Caveat said...

Great piece!

YesBiscuit! said...

I think it's always worthwhile to explain the nuances of ethical hunting although I fear the explanation is lost on those who most need to learn about it. I never got so much ignorant hate mail as when I posted recently about Palin's aerial wolf assault and fair chase. Many people walked away from that inspired to write nasty things about the necessity of "thinning the herd" with many exclamation points even though I had explained there was no wolf overpopulation problem in Alaska. I'm sure even less people know about terrier work. I didn't before I started reading this blog.

Lisa Paddock said...

I know practically nothing about hunting, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that writing is just about the hardest work I know.

BTW, the soupcon of knowledge I possess about hunting comes from reading Faulkner, who also knew a thing or two about writing.

Lisa in Cape May County,Nj

sassanik said...

My favorite vegan argument is that humans are the only ones that hunt for pleasure. Umm have you met my house cat? He is very well fed and has not need to hunt. but he regularly brings me mice, frogs and birds.

PBurns said...

Is is, of course, complete nonsense. Shrikes kill and impale food they will never eat, fox will enter a chicken or pheasant pen and spree kill 50 birds in night and never eat but one, ALPHA lions and gorillas and other animals that take over pride or groups rouninely kill the young in order to have sex with the females, etc., etc.

This is like the old line that Jesus was a vegetarian. Excuse me? Passover REQUIRES lamb. Loaves and FISHES anyone?

Patrick

Sheila said...

Great piece. As a long time reader, I knew that you often do release the quarry to chase another day, but I wasn't sure how you dispatched any critters that you found that were sick or otherwise not fit for release.

Jemma said...

I think it's interesting that you chose to blog about your frustration with people who don't understand your lifestyle while simultaneously demeaning another lifestyle you clearly have an incomplete understanding of.

As a vegan myself, can assure you nothing in your explanation was news to me. We're not all vacuous PETA-militants, incapable of thinking for ourselves - I promise!

Even I can appreciate the skill a good hunter requires and respect that. Though I disagree with many forms of hunting, I enjoy your blog because I find the bulk of it interesting and very well researched. Unfortunately, what you've had to say about vegans lately has been in stark contrast to that.

PBurns said...

I understand Veganism pretty well Jemma -- not much to understand.

It's a philosophy, invented in the 1940s in the U.K. whose primary tenet is that 2 million years of evolution and science are wrong, and that the canine teeth in your mouth are God's mistake.

It's a philosophy that says it's OK to kill worms while plowing up the land, and that it's OK to destroy wildlife habitat for food like soybeans and corn, but it's awful to drink milk and eat eggs no matter how nice the animals are treated.

It's a philosophy that says leather is bad, not matter where the leather comes from and under what circumstances.

Are all vegans idiots and fools? No, but more than a lot of them are, same as the people who embrace "holistic" medicine and aromatherapy, and the like.

If your thinking is science-based, it's hard to take veganism too seriously except as a religion. And, to put a point on it, if you are science-based, it's also pretty hard to take religion very seriously. Humans have as much right to eat kill and meat as a hawk or a fox. If you choose not to, that's perfectly fine. No problem here. But pardon me if lectures from vegans wear thin, and experience has taught that most of your tribe is so far removed from nature that they think they are doing good while wearing plastic made from oil and cotton grown in fields laced with pesticides.

The upside is that veganism mostly appeals to young suburban women, and like "tramp stamp" tatoos and an addiction to Jimmy Choo shoes, most outgrow it in time.

P.

Jemma said...

Veganism is not about denying the omnivorous nature of man or ranking animals (or habitats) in different levels of expendability. It's about adopting a lifestyle in which you cause the least amount of harm and suffering to animals as realistically possible. Many serious vegans extend that into an attempt to reduce the environmental damage and human suffering they cause or indirectly support.

It isn't my intention to lecture you or argue that my way is best - I just wanted to point out that you were parroting a stereotype. Ignorance regarding hunting isn't exclusive to vegans.

My lifestyle is burdened with a high percentage of numpties but I'm sure they exist in hunting circles too. I've encountered one or two hunters who I suspect are prime "missing link" candidates but it'd be wrong of me to imply all hunters are clueless because of their lack of merit.

PBurns said...

That's veganism in your world. Not true for all, I am afraid.

And how is removing almost all habitat for wildlife (what all farms do) reducing "harm and suffering to animals"?

Now, if you REALLY want to reduce harm and suffering to wildlife, get yourself sterilized and then gather and hunt all that you eat

I did the former, at least, and you can too.

Humans are the problem, and Job One is going to see a doctor to make sure you can never procreate and add more ecological burdens to the planet. Smart people take that step early on. Can I entice you to demonstrate the power of your convictions?

As for a lot of hunters being morons, I would be the first to say so! Knuckle draggers are the norm, and I mock those folks quite a lot too. Have you seen my review of the "Poltically Incorrect Guide to Hunting" ??

Patrick