The One Drop Rule

Back when Barack Obama was first running for President, a white friend told me Barack wasn’t a “real” black, because his momma was white.

I shut that conversation down pretty quickly.

"Well he’d sure as shit be black while getting lynched in Orange, Virginia.”

This kind of bullshit has been going on for over 400 years in this country, and in other countries too.

In the 1930s, German school children were given an illustrated book on “how to spot a Jew”.

Later, they made it simple by making them wear big yellow stars with the word “Jude” written on them.

Today we have people who think they are licensed to proctor everything from gender to race, from religion to heritage.

An Algerian female boxer in the Olympics apparently has a little more natural testosterone coursing through her veins than the average woman. So what? She was born a woman with all the working parts. Jay Jacks asks whether older guys with diminishing testosterone are now to be considered women? Of course not. The whole debate is complete bullshit, as Jay Jack notes.

Since this is a dog blog, let me say this kind of bullshit is particularly thick in the world of dogs where the old “one drop rule” is the beating heart of Kennel Club idiocy.

The one drop rule? What’s that?

Wikipedia notes that “the one-drop rule was a legal principle of racial classification that was prominent in the 20th-century United States. It asserted that any person with even one ancestor of black ancestry is considered black.”

Right. One drop of any other breed, and Kennel Club matrons will tell you your dog is a mutt produced by “back yard breeders,” even as they raise up their 50-year old breed created by a puppy peddler.

Your XYZ breed was created when? Where? For what purpose? And you raise your pups at home? They have free run of the backyard?

Pray tell, and please continue. You clearly are not a backyard breeder of mutts! This is an old game of created privilege and exclusion, name-calling and pretension, vanity and denial.

How can we marginalize more? How can we exclude and “other” more? How can we segment and divide more?

You’re white?

Are you?

Really?

Here’s the Benjamin Moore paint chip chart. They don’t have a color just called white. So what shade shall we call you? Mango smoothy? Bavarian egg shell? Lily of the Valley?

Remember there’s only one correct answer, and if you are not that one correct answer, we’ll simply describe you as “swarthy” or a “wog” with “a touch of the tar” about you.

If we are being particularly cruel, we’ll just say you’re French. 

You’re black?

Are you?

Really?

Here’s the Pantone color wheel. They don’t have a color just called black or just called brown. So what RGB shade shall we call you? Are you black olive or black bean, antique walnut or light elm, dark pear wood or leather brown?

And so it goes down the line.

You’re Jewish? Are you? Really? Do you mean that just culturally, or do you actually go to synagogue at least once a year? Orthodox, reformed, conservative, or modern orthodox?

Did you know that the Prophet Muhammad said the Jews split into 71 sects, with one sect entering Paradise and the other 70 entering Hell?

What are those sects?

I have no idea, but if you don’t either, then I know you are going to straight to hell. 

You’re Christian?

Are you?

Really? 

What denomination? Roman Catholic, Methodist, Episcopalian, Baptist, Mormon, Anglican, Lutheran, Pentecostal, Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, Anti Baptist, Hutterite, Mennonite, Quaker, Seventh Day Adventist, or… there are a hundred types of Christians.

All we know for sure is there is only One God and one path to heaven and the First Church of Christ Scientist in Clarksburg, West Virginia is its sole emissary on earth. If I don’t see you in the front pew every Sunday, you’re not a “true” Christian. In fact, you’re just a pagan idolator who will burn on the hot coals of Hades forever, because “Jesus is love.”

Hey, don’t blame me. I don’t make the rules. 

That dog? He’s not a pit bull. We know that because he’s not registered with the registry I salute, and never mind that the type is older than the nation, much less any canine registry.

That dog? He’s not a poodle. We know that because he’s not registered with the registry I salute, and never mind that the type is older than the nation, much less any canine registry.

You’re a Scotsman? I think not! 

No true Scotsman would put ice in his whiskey or sugar on his oatmeal.

No true Scotsman would speak English or wear anything but Woad.

No true Scotsman. 

It’s an appeal to purity, and it’s used to define people out based on some artificial (and often just-invented) criterion.

It’s all a bit tiring, which is why I propose a radical reimagining of people and dogs

How about we judge people and dogs by what they do?

How about no matter who they are, we treat them like they are sentient beings too easily abused and too rarely helped?

How about we try to dial down the asshole quotient between our ears?

You say you can’t tell if the person in front of you at the coffee house is male or female? Huh. Why does it matter?

You say you can’t tell if the woman in the light blue bedsheet walking past the window is a nun in her habit or a muslim in her hijab? Huh. Why does it matter?

You need to know the race, ethnicity, sexual history, fecundity, and religion of the person you are voting for? Huh. Why does it matter? 

How about asking folks what they do?

Oh, you’re an attorney, former 20-year prosecutor, former Attorney General of California, former Senator, and current Vice President? You have an exemplary and unbroken record of excellent and rising performance throughout your entire life? You have surrounded yourself with excellent people in both your professional and personal life? 

Huh. 

Oh, you’re a guy who inherited a fortune and then went bankrupt six times? You have a 40-year track record of failed businesses, broken marriages, and tax fraud? You are famous for your misogyny and racism, your narcissism and casual cruelty? You can barely read, but lie like a fish can swim? You have surrounded yourself with criminals, crackpots, and grifters in both your professional and personal life?

Yeah, I can see this is going to be a hard choice for the lead paint-chip eating crowd to make.

Good luck at the polls.

Oh, and that lead paint chip you’re eating?

Be sure it’s the right color… because that’s the important part.