Monday, November 26, 2007

Shotgun News: They Must Be Joking

Item #1: A Credit-card Sized Shotgun. CBS News reports that a "local gun maker and gun shop are debuting a new type of firearm" -- one that can fit in your shirt pocket. It's a two-shot weapon made from a piece of metal the height and width of a standard credit card, and about half an inch thick. Each barrel fires seven standard steel BBs, and it will retail for $100. This is a small muzzle-loader shotgun fired with an electronic trigger. Will it stop a crook? No, but it's about perfect for blowing your balls off when it misfires in your pocket. And believe me, when I say it will be in a man's pocket: No woman will be stupid enough to own one. For those who would prefer to make their zip guns the old-fashioned way, see this handy little visual guide, and realize you are probably breaking about 7 laws and are likely to kill yourself too. A better option that will get you a lot more attention (and less jail time) is this 144-shot Gatling Gun. Or just get a real gun -- an honest derringer will fit in the palm of your hand, and if you get a Smith and Wesson 317 Kit Gun or Taurus knockoff, probably no one will laugh at you behind your back.

Item #2: Pink Shotguns.
Pink seems to be the latest gun craze, judging by all the articles written about this girly-color annodization and dyed wood stunt. Personally, I think it's an insult to women, but then I think most women's magazines are an insult to women. What the hell do I know? In any case, anyone looking to take their gay lover or their 12-year old "My Little Pony" enthusiast hunting can get a Remington 870 (available in 20-gauge) for $370. Operators are standing by. And no, it does not look like they make a 16- or 12-gauge version in pink of this most-popular of shotgun models.

Item #3: Season Shot. After your woman has been blazing away in the field with a pink shotgun (see above), she will be able to spend less time in the kitchen cleaning the birds thanks to "Season Shot" -- a buckshot made of compressed and bonded spices which supposedly disintegrate inside the bird and help flavor it. Apparently this is not a joke (though it does sound like it). Does the seasoning ruin the barrel? Does the shot have to be FDA-approved? Is this just a ploy so that next time Dick Cheney shoots someone in the face, the White House can say that it was simply a "light peppering with a touch of lemon?" I have many questions, but if this is a joke, it's a pretty damn elaborate one, and David Petzal was sucked in too. A hat tip to Lisa B. for this one, and my apologies for the misogyny in the opening line. It just sounds better with a little misogyny thrown in. Like pheasant with lemon pepper buckshot.


Anonymous said...

"In a new twist on the idea of concealed weapons, a local gun maker and gun shop are debuting a new type of firearm"

Dateline Oct 6, 2004.

It's not news. It appeared on the market - barely - and in the news, and disappeared. It did what it was intended to do, gave Koscielski's Guns and Ammo some free advertising, and gave the Minneapolis City Council some heartburn.

PBurns said...

Still on their web site at >>

Need a BATF license, of course ...

At the time Koscielski's Guns and Ammo was the only gun place in town, from what I understand. A stunt for sure. Zip guns are older that bullets. Really this is a tiny little blunderbust.